Irrelevant excerpts from the tattoo bible
A few days ago, a friend of mine, which happens to be a knight of the “Temple of the 34th day” handed me this book. Here are a few excerpts:
“Tattoos shall always avoid the nipple. God said that the nipple is for piercing alone.”
“On the 34th day of creation when God finally discovered alcohol, he transformed into a man, went to a tattoo parlor and asked for a sacrifice. The tattoo artist scratched his head and said “Urgh…”. With mighty anger God proclaimed “From this day on all the tattoos will hurt unless you drink one bottle of vodka before””. (Side note: He seemed to forget the initial curse he put on vodka, the one that says that your head will hurt like hell the next day unless you eat 10 pounds of cheese. God works in mysterious ways).
“The temple of Solomon has fallen to ruins only because the rabbi tattooed the true God’s name on the back of its palm. When asked why he did it he answered “Remembering a 256 letter word isn’t that easy you know and besides the back of my palm was not enough anyway. There is a second part on the ankle. My God that hurts.””
“In the final days when Satan will come he will tattoo on the back of the
head of every follower he has a barcode, which today matches perfectly the
barcode found on adult diapers (extra large with a hint of lemon)”.